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Overcoming Sexual Addictions

In 12 Step Recovery Programs the issue of 'Overcoming Sexual Sin' is often a main problem related by many friends and a sharp stumbling stone for a relapse in alcoholism or other kinds of addiction but how does it work in practical terms when I stay alone not being sustained by friends?  Confronted with an 'image' so attractive to our eyes that our mind becomes active forming dreams and pictures we would like to be filled with right now. Science calls this a 'sexual stimulus' which is a quite in-built part of our human nature.  It is for good if this person we see is our husband or married wife as a structure of God's Plan for a family and His God-given sexual relation. What shall we do if the person is not 'belonging' to us? Jesus told us in His parables to 'pluck out our eyes' but what does that mean? He is speaking of 'radical methods' to deal with. Of course we can immediately look into the other direction which is a practical advice of many professional counsellors but does this work in any situation? What is to do when we are sitting alone in front of the computer display and have the world-wide internet pages of an immense offer of pornography for free available with only some clicks? Nobody (beside God) is watching us! What if we fail to miss this first trigger time which is enticing us to click further on?

What we do not need is a 'theoretical advise' which doesn't work on practical terms or a hint of a Christian friend or a pastor that a 'good Christian' doesn't do such bad things trying to make us feel guilty and ashamed so that we shut up our sharing on this important issue and blaming us again and again after relapsing in these things.

 

Our Daily Bread addressed this issue on 02/11/2012 like this:

 

A Covenant With My Eyes

I have made a covenant with my eyes. —Job 31:1

Our friend is a computer “techie.” One night when our family was at his house, I noticed a verse taped to his monitor: “I have made a covenant with my eyes” (Job 31:1). Evidently, he understood the potential danger of spending hours alone in front of a computer with easy access to indecent images.

Our friend’s “reminder verse” is a quote from Job, and it continues, “Why then should I look upon a young woman?” Like many of us, Job had promised himself to stay free of lust. Reflecting on that oath, he said, “Does [God] not see my ways, and count all my steps?” (v.4). The Bible assures us that God does (Heb. 4:13), and that we are accountable to Him. This is why believers must “abstain from sexual immorality” (1 Thess. 4:3). While some want to debate the boundaries of morality, the Bible says, “Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28).

If you have made a covenant with your eyes, consider how Scripture might help you keep this pledge. Post a verse on your computer screen, television, or the dashboard of your car, and remember, “God did not call us to uncleanness” but to holiness (1 Thess. 4:7).           —

Jennifer Benson Schuldt

When lustful thoughts assail your mind
To play with immorality,
Remember that God’s will for you
Is holiness and purity. —Sper

© Our Daily Bread -  www.odb.org

 

After reading this I felt quite satisfied with this 'commitment approach' to pray about  making a personal contract with myself like Job did. But does it really work for good as an effective principle of daily life as we are confronted with sexual images only reading normal newspapers and magazines? And this is not only a challenge for male but also to female as scientific studies have proven that a majority of women are touched gradually more or less by pornographic scenes too. Imagining you would ask in your next church meeting for an open sharing about this matter what would you believe what would happen there? A mixture of uproar and silence full of shame, guilt and blaming or maybe other reactions? But can we shovel this issue beside, play safety and ignore it?

    Sexual sin and failures by men and women fill the bible and we should take it a real big challenge                 for nearly each of us and deal with it on a very practical level --- nothing else would work for good!  Honestly adressing a problem is the first step to solution!

Most prayers we have heard are like this, 'Please, Lord, take away my sexual nature so that I cannot sin anymore …' or ' take away the evil pictures and seducing attractions that are enticing me …!“. God is surely not interested to manipulate our human beings as a fundamental part of our creation as man and woman as well as He will not intervene in our human world leaving us our free will to decide between good and bad. So what can we do to change our attitudes towards overcoming sexual sin?

     

  • First we must acknowledge and admit these sexual trials as a growing realityof our human life of today!
  • Technical solutions like computer firewalls and other kind of protections cannot really solve this problem
  • Because we can override them by our own will!
  • Pray in Jesus Name being cleansed, renewed and supported in all our affairs!
  • Like Job we can make a covenant with our eyes! (Job 31, 3)
  • We can start to see the 'human nakedness' as God's Creation
  • Through the eyes of Jesus!
  • The Bible proves that Jesus was tested in any kind of human trials.
  • He often was in contact with women but He obviously saw them as
  • His 'Divine Creatures' not as sexual objects!
  • As followers of Christ we should imitate Him!
  • Let's start to see other women and men through the eyes of Jesus!
  • Pray and learn to honour them as holy sisters and brothers in Christ!
  • There seems to exist no instant 'wonder cure' for overcoming sexual sins but
  • We do have manifold divine principles to practise one step one day at a time
  • In God's Will!
  •  

There are two contrary heartbeats. Very intimate issues of human nature evidently belong into the innermost secret and are not discussed openly. Otherwise when we put a lid on the subject as most churches and fellowships are practising we isolate the addicted or tested person with their problems and the suffering will never stop. Even in 12 Step Groups like AA or AlAnon or others I personally haven't heard much about this immanent issue beside attending special groups for sexual addictions which are not available everywhere; the same in churches and homegroups.

     

This 'letter of intent' was written to address this problem as a 'normal challenge' for all people who might be hit by sexual sin and don't know what to do overcoming it or to friends who might have found a solution of their own and would like to share this with other friends and addicted persons. On our Internet WebLog you may pass on your experience, strength and hope in a protected room of honesty, discretion, empathy in Jesus Love and Mercy!

     

God may bless you all! Amen and Praise the Lord!

Rolf

     

    And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His Purpose. (Romans 8, 28 NIV)

     

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